Past Ramblings

January 1st 2015

I'm not even sure if I want my thoughts out there for all of the world for all to see. I want to get them out of my head but I don't know if I really want people to know what I am thinking or just just to keep it all to myself. It's no one else's business, all of my rambling. It's a new year, new me, want to try something new kind of day and I did the same old thing. Four more hours left to this first day of the year. I kind of want to do a page a day kind of thing. Maybe I will, and I won't post it. I thought I wanted a Blog, I don’t want to be judged by the thoughts in my head, the thoughts change often, I don’t want to be held accountable for them. I should be practicing my tap, maybe I should have signed back up for the gym, maybe I should be cleaning the computer room and getting that video off of my sister-in-law’s video camera and onto a dvd for her like I promised. Maybe I should have worked on my Adobe “Flash” Classroom in a book lessons. I should make that a challenge this year, finish a chapter a weekend, no matter what. It was a dream of mine to do computer animation but I suck as a student. I put things off to the last minute and do them half-assed. Kind of like practicing tap. I should have practiced before my surgery last Tuesday. Which leads me to also like “kind of planning on having kids” which is all that’s been on my mind for 2 years now. I wanted to have a college degree and it took 9 years to get my associates because I went to school part time and worked full-time. I wish I did it the other way around. I married my college sweetheart but we could have started our lives sooner I guess. I feel like the older I get the less likely we will have kids. Everyone else around us is having kids. I finally saw a fertility specialist took the tests and found out my tubes were blocked. Surgery fixed it but this guy is a stickler for me losing weight. I’m supposed to go back to my primary to ask him to put me on Metformin. I went to my primary 2 months ago and we had agreed for me to see a nutritionist first. I don’t like pills being pushed on me. Medicine is not an exact science. All the while I am wondering if I am making the right decisions and I know once we do have kids I am going to be wondering that for the rest of my life but it will be 10x worse because it’s not just my life in my own hands anymore. This scares the hell out of me. I’m guessing it would scare any parent or anyone wanting to become one. I just keep thinking what my primary said, “You didn’t go to him to lose weight did you? No you went to him for fertility”. I guess that’s the bottom line. I want to be healthy. I want to be a healthy parent, so when I do have kids I am the best I can be for them to be there for THEM.

I keep starting to write my autobiography, this is the latest start:

My story started when my Aunt Brenda had a crush on a guy from WaWa. My mom started dating him, on September 16th 1978 they married, 7 months later I was born (Yes I did the math long before my mom could tell me, and I wasn’t a premie). I was born into a large close extended family. After me, they had 4 more children, the younger two did not live past infancy.

I’m 34 now, married with a house and a job that I went to school for. My official title is Quality Technician II. I assist in label design part of the documentation department, so I assist in the drawings for ECN’s (Engineering Change Notice). It’s fun and I work with people I like.

My father Michael Anthony James Hoyt was the 3rd oldest, I knew 10 of his siblings I knew 2 more died as children. My mother Rochelle (Shellie) Linda Siegel Hoyt Zollo is the oldest of 19 (some say 20 but I do not count the one adopted in her 30s). My grandparents are insane, they are very awesome people and their hearts are too open. Not that anyone should close their minds nor hearts but sometimes you need to use your noggins (some sarcasm). They were set up on a blind date, I heard it was by a friend of my Grandfather’s younger sister. 11 days later they had eloped. They joke still about how they won’t last. My grandmother had a baby who was given up for adoption before she met my grandfather she had an older sister who died June 9th 1990- the same day as my youngest brother died. Grandpa once told me he refused to try pizza until he was 19 (and in the air force) because it always looked gross. He was the 2nd oldest of 5. Aunt Tsipi (Sylvia, his oldest sister) used to love to tell the story of when they shared a crib- he loved it so much he said he wanted to still sleep in it when he got married. Tsipi was an eccentric artist. Uncle Elliot always looked so stern and scary, he was the next youngest Grandpa Louie. I don’t know why but he used to say to my younger cousins “You little Elliot” When Brian and I first started dating, I was visiting Binda (my great grandmother and their mother) while Uncle Elliot was there. I smelled like cigarette smoke and he yelled at me, thinking I smoked. I told him it was my boyfriend- he said you better make him stop or you won’t be seeing him much longer! Shortly after that conversation Brian made the decision to stop. :) Uncle Elliot was married to Aunt Bernice, they have 1 son named Marc, who has 1 son (Daniel) with his wife Sandy, that son also has one son (Shaun)

Next came Bernie, whom after 30+ years of disowning for reasons I cannot disclose, because that story is not mine to tell, they have reconciled. Bernie is married to Shelly and they have 3 children Abbie (married to Nathan, they have Isabel and Max), Glen (married to Karen and they have Lara) and Scottie. Then there is Aunt Lakie (Lillian) married to a holocaust survivor our Uncle Arnie, they have two sons (David and Jonathan), whom were adopted, but I didn’t know that until I was an adult- I just never realized it.

December 14, 2017

Almost 3 years later and I think about starting this back up and thinking about writing a Mommy blog. “Why I let my kid pick her nose in public” because most of these stories in the blogs I read are along the same stupid line.

Maybe start the blog describing how I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, even secretly in my teens and 20s- after my youngest brother scarred me for life, turning blue in my arms. I always loved the name Zoey, and I couldn’t figure out where I first heard it, I thought it was from a movie. I looked everywhere for Zoey and me movie- turns out a few years ago, right after Robin Williams died, they were showing an interview and he mentioned Isabella Rossalini- THAT was the actress in the movie, that I THOUGHT I heard the name Zoey in, turns out to be called “Zelly and me”. My husband will call her Zelly from time to time, but the kid has so many nicknames it’s a wonder she knows her real name at all.

March 15th 2018

The Ides of March- I have no idea what that means, I could google it…

I found out I was pregnant on April 23rd 2015. 3 weeks after I joined a gym because my weight loss hit a plateau. I thought, eh it’s going to be negative… I took a second one.. There was no “NOT” on the test, just the word I’ve been waiting to hear my whole life. I called my doctor and asked for (another) blood test. He personally called me back when the results came in to tell me. It was hard keeping it a secret from the world. My next door neighbor found out when she saw me taking pictures of our Phillies Shirts with a onsie. At 10 weeks my mother-in-law told me with tears how my brother-in-law's (then Ex) girlfriend was pregnant. She was due around Christmas. I was trying so hard not to beam! I also secretly wished they both were girls.

A week later we went out to dinner with my brothers and sister-in-laws, I tried to find the right moment to tell them, and it ended up being at the end of the dinner, the one sister-in-law I told the week before, we went for a walk at John Heines Wild Life Center, and I had to use the bathroom a lot- and I was having trouble staying awake!

Two weeks later I had my tap recital and we decided to take our mom’s out to dinner and tell them then. Brian ordered a t-shirt for me that read “Always read the fine print, I’m pregnant” My mom noticed first and just started saying “No, you’re kidding, this is how you’re telling me” Then my mother-in-law read it. We gave them each the picture of the Phillies shirts with “December 29th, 2015, more laundry”. I told my grandparents the next day, and asked them not to announce it on Facebook- my Grandfather didn’t listen. It’s impossible to get mad at him though, so I made it Facebook official

My due date was December 29th, I find it weird that my best friend from high school committed suicide March 29th- exactly 9 months apart… There is just something eerie about that, that I can’t explain.

Zoey Christina was born December 28th, 2015 at 5:03pm. I never wanted to put her down. In the hospital we joke she said her first words “Okay”. That’s what her crying sounded like, I kept telling her, “it’s okay”